germ-infested pools

Singing hallelujah

Ohhh Lordy. Yes, on a day where I was blessed with that beautiful autumnal God light on my way to work this morning (sorry no pics, probably not safe to whip out the camera while driving) it feels only proper to tap into my religious roots. And by religious, I mean, holy hell I saw my life flash before my eyes multiple times tonight – MULTIPLE TIMES!!! For all of you out there who think aqua jogging is wimpy, think again. I was almost drowned tonight not once, not twice, but five times, once by the lane dividers while life guards were dividing up the lanes, and three times by a demon swimming chick who thought it prudent to start speed swimming right in my line of jogging. Uhm, okay, maybe I’ll just tread some water here as you smash your left arm down onto my head. Thanks for that. …

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Splashers beware

To all the splashers in the world, YOU SUCK! You are not Michael Phelps, not even close, so why the hell are you attempting his butterfly time and time again? A performance that’s more a repeated belly flop sending a bloody tsunami of germ-infested water right smack into my face, up my nose, in my ears, and god forbid if I took a breath at that moment, down my bloody esophagus! Maybe if you had Michael’s super drool-worthy physique, I’d be able to turn my cheek without wishing for a dead weight around your ankles … nah even if it were Michael spraying me like that, I’d want to drop kick him too! I know it’s a pool we’re occupying, don’t you dare throw that in my face. I’ve come to terms with the wet, and have even stopped cringing at the random droplets of ick creeping down my face …

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