The Grinch, er, Coach

In the spirit of Christmas, and because I do so love caroling (much to Big Ring’s chagrin), and because, following my first aqua jogging session in nearly a year, I was inspired, I’ve decided to treat you all with a carol of my own.

Here’s to you Coach NZ 😉


You’re an evil one, Mrs. Coach.
You really are a boss,
While your accent is cuddly as a bear, charming as a debonair,
It doesn’t fool me, because I know
You’re just a sweat-loving Kiwi with a stinky brown peel!

You’re a monster, Mrs. Coach,
Your heart’s an empty gear,
Your brain is full of speed intervals,
You’ve got killer pushups and nasty tricep dips in your soul,
Mrs. Coach,
I wouldn’t touch you with a thirty nine and a half foot pole!

You’re a vile one, Mrs. Coach.
You have pace bunnies in your smile.
You have all the New Zealand tenderness of a seasick crocodile,
Mrs. Coach,
Given a choice between the two of you, I’d take the crocodile!

You’re a foul one, Mrs. Coach.
You’re a nasty, wasty drill sergeant
Your heart is full of unwashed cycling socks
Your soul is full of chlorinated gunk.
Mrs. Coach.

The three words that best describe you are as follows, and I quote:

Oh wait, that was me, following that AJ session.

My gawd, the woman nearly killed me. I did mention this was my first time back in the pool since that fateful evening back in March when I announced to my dear coach I was preggers (in the deep end no less.. k, maybe I got a bit of evilness in me too ;)) and I was super nervous as hell. I mean what if I couldn’t do it, what if I needed a “gulp” floating device, what if I got through one set and passed out from sheer exhaustion? What if…

But Coach NZ, she wasn’t paying any mind to those nerves. Oh no. First thing she says to me when she walks into the change room: “I’m gonna make you work tonight,” all sweet sounding with that New Zealand accent of hers, but I could see the evilness glinting from her eyes!

And work we did. It was 45 minutes of speed repeats, two sets of 15 pushups at the end of the pool, a bijillion calf raises, and a set of 15 tricep dips on the pool stairs. There were lunges, and hops, and deep end repeats, and yes, a whole helluva lot of huffing and puffing, gasping for air, silently pleading for the pool to somehow decrease in size, all while trying my best not to take in the germ-infested waters. (Note: to the annoying girl who shouted out for all to hear she had lost her nail, I nearly lost my lunch all over you!)

And all the while Coach NZ, making it look as easy as 1-2-3, was running along side me making sure my form was perfect, making sure my legs were cycling, not flipping, making sure I didn’t give up.

Yes, she’s an evil one alright, but she’s the kind of evil I need. And you know what that means: Aqua jogging is back in the princess mix 🙂

5 thoughts on “The Grinch, er, Coach”

  1. Dear Princess of Pavement. I do beleive you are prone to exaggeration. I beleive it was only approximatly a million calf raises, not as you reported, a bijillion. Love, Coach NZ.

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