22 weeks: numbers on a scale

I’m not a crier, I hate breaking down into tears, I try to avoid it at all costs. But this morning, when I walked out of the pregnancy in diabetes clinic, that’s exactly what I wanted to do. I felt like a failure, a disappointment, a bad diabetic – a feeling I haven’t felt since my days of chubbiness, inactivity, and out-of-control diabetes.

I walked into this appointment believing I’d get a glowing report. My BG numbers have been great, the lows have dissipated, and my activity levels have majorly elevated (did I mention I’ve done seven hikes in a week and a half and have another one planned for tomorrow?). But, despite the doctor exclaiming I was the first patient she’s ever had where she hasn’t had to implement any insulin pump adjustments, because of my good BG numbers, I was read the riot act by the dietitian regarding my weight gain.

In two weeks I have gained 2.2 kilograms, and apparently I’m just 0.1 to 1.0 kilograms away from the weight gain goal they had set for me early in the pregnancy (which, by the way, they did not inform me of). In total, I’ve gained either 21 or 22 pounds.

                       Me last summer.                                       Me last Friday.

I know a lot of the weight came from the four-and-a-half months of lows causing me to guzzle back gallons of orange juice, but my BG has since balanced out resulting in a major scale back of the orange juice intake in the last month. I don’t indulge in sweets, I was off the chocolate and cookies for months as they made me sick (and I still don’t eat much of them), I rarely have ice cream, and when I do, it’s a piddly half cup serving that I allow myself. I don’t touch donuts, bon bons, potato chips – none of that! I have cravings, for sure I do, but I don’t succumb to them for fear of what they’ll do to my blood sugars, and thus what they’ll do to thumb-sucking alien baby. I eat tons of salads, I love my salads, I eat vegetables, fruits, lean meats. All healthy foods.

Granted, my breakfast, morning and afternoon snack intakes have more protein than pre-pregnancy, because that’s what they told me to do, and my evening snacks are also heavier than pre-pregnancy, again because that’s what they told me to do. I believe I am doing everything right.

And yet, when the dietitian grilled me on my daily food intake, I got the feeling she didn’t believe me – I mean, if I’m such a good diabetic, why the heck else would I be gaining all this weight right? And when she couldn’t crack me, she suggested I opt for low-fat cheese instead of full-fat cheese, and that maybe I omit the quarter chunk of avocado I sometimes put in my lunchtime salads, and also scale back on the margarine I put on my grilled cheese and tomato sandwiches. But, I’m sorry, how is low-fat cheese a better option? How is low-fat Laughing Cow, which really isn’t all that different from regular Laughing Cow, a better option? How is taking out good fats like avocado, which I don’t have all the time, a better option. And yes, maybe I could scale back on the margarine, but I’m pretty sure the bit I have once, maybe twice a week, isn’t what’s causing this weight gain. But I’m not a dietitian right… not yet at least!

My moms informed me that the babies in our family are bigguns, and that I’m probably just growing a good, healthy kid; Big Ring reminded me that my breast size has majorly increased (from a 34A to 34D!!!) which could explain some of those numbers on the scale; and one of my most favourite running chicks told me it’s better to feed thumb-sucking alien baby than to starve it … she followed that up with the sound advice that I can’t always be perfect, something I’m finding extremely difficult to come to terms with 😉

ps. On a much happier note, thumb-sucking alien baby has become quite the active kicker!

15 thoughts on “22 weeks: numbers on a scale”

  1. Dear Katie,
    Ummm … Could your unconscionable weight gain possibly be due to the fact that … YOU’RE PREGNANT!!!???
    Sheesh 🙂
    I agree with your “moms” that you’re probably just growin’ a biggun in there – not just a petite little bun, but a whole goddam loaf!!!
    I don’t know anyone more DISCIPLINED than you, who takes better care of themselves than YOU, so I really doubt you’re sneakin’ slabs o’ margarine on the sly or fillin’ up on bad fats when nobody’s looking.
    You’re just not built that way.
    So I hope you don’t take this daffy dietician TOO seriously, just keep on looking after yourself like you always do.
    And take a moment to be tickled whenever … Little Ring (?) … kicks it in to high gear 🙂

  2. This is proposterous Katie. You know it and we all know it except for a bitch of a dietician. I would have cried in front of her so kudos to you for keeping it together.
    But c’mon.. this makes me angry. 4.5 months of persistent lows causing you to drink all the OJ on the west coast, not exactly something you could have avoided.
    You rock and I double what Freeman says.

  3. Well I guess the silver lining is becoming aware of the attitude you DON’T want to have towards clients when you become a dietitian! Every beautiful human body – the chemistry, the spirit, the imagination – different and perfect in its own way. You are ruled by numbers because of your diabetes – you have no choice and you should celebrate your determination to be as healthy as possible and keep those BG numbers where they afford you good health and good quality of life! As women, cultural pressure can shame us if we do not “fit” into a certain imagine – don’t succumb to what charts and dietitians declare what MUST be a healthy weight for you…you KNOW how you are caring for yourself and your baby / let that be the measure of your successful pregnancy!
    It was interesting that you posted a picture of yourself from last year beside a current picture – there is nothing to compare…you are forever changed from the woman you were last year. You are pregnant. You are going to be a mother – there is joy in store for you which you could never have imagined last year and opportunities to guide and nurture another beautiful human being which didn’t exist last year…celebrate the transformation and hold your head high – you’re doing great!

  4. I know you’re canadian and therefore very polite but please tell her to go F#$% off. who cares about the weight gain? TSAB is healthy and kicking. you are active and your sugars are good. those are two most important metrics in my non-doctor book. seriously weight is a horrible metric – could be a million things like you mentioned.

  5. I ended up gaining 50lbs with my T1 pregnancy – and I’m fine now, and the kiddo was perfect. Please roll your eyes at the dietician for me.

  6. lilveggiepatch

    Katie, you look absolutely beautiful. I’ve heard from a lot of women that sometimes it feels like their bodies aren’t their own when they’re pregnant, but you’re gearing up to do one of the coolest things in the whole wide world: have a baby! You’ll feel like yourself again soon, and by then, you’ll have a sweet little one to chase around the house!

  7. My dear Katie. You are the mother. You are doing everything possible to produce a strong healthy “duathalon” Bartel. As a parent, whether expectant one or experienced one, we do what we know in are heart is the right thing. So, continue to do what you know is healthy for you both. You will not go wrong. And from now until your baby is a teenager – there will be people who make you feel you aren’t making the right decision….well as we polite Canadians say “H” “E” “Double Hockey Sticks” to them !!

  8. So if the dietician thinks what you are actually eating is fine, then I think the rest of what she had to say is absolute garbage. Let’s say that pregnant women gain an average of 25 lbs during pregnancy. Well, how do they calculate averages? Some are going to gain more than that, some are going to gain less than that. It’s an AVERAGE.

    Sounds like you and the baby are healthy. Just keep doing what you are doing. Unless, the baby is actually an alien. Then I would seek a second opinion.

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