Claustrophobic, germaphobic, stranger spermaphobic

Why is it when you don’t want something to happen, it always happens? Case in point: My current sun tan. I have never been a girl to lay for hours under the sun, or step foot in a tanning bed, or put orange blotchy creams on my skin to achieve the white girl, over-Brazilianed look. First of all, my self-diagnosed ADD wouldn’t ever allow me more than 3 minutes under the baking sun before I was jumping up, antsy to do something else; second of all, my claustrophobic, germaphobic, stranger spermaphobic (I’ve heard stories) would never allow me to get anywhere near a tanning bed; and third of all, the nuclear creams, did them once when I was 13 and had pumpkin-coloured hands for like a month after, no thank you! But most of all, I burn, and not a slight, light burn, a nasty, angry, beet red, sometimes eggplant …

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