Some girls have insecurities wearing a bikini, others with not wearing makeup, me, I’ve got serious issues showing off my non-perfect blood sugars!
I think it all started when I was a kid and didn’t want my moms or my grandma or my aunt to give me a look of disappointment or criticize my often erratic peaks and valleys, and so I mastered the art of holding my glucometre in a way that their peering eyes couldn’t see the actual result, giving me the power to tell the truth or blatantly lie. You’d expect habits like these to fall by the wayside with age and maturity, right. Nope. Not for me. What was once a fear of disappointing others has since grown into a shame of not being BG perfect.
We’ve all got our insecurities right?
So the other day after completely failing with my blood sugars on Sunday’s long run, I went out for lunch with a few of my favourite running peeps and had to test. Given that my BG was already high 30 minutes before and that it generally always rises post exercise, even with a correction, I knew they’d be even higher. And just my luck, it was that moment, as the glucometre counted down, 5-4-3-2-1, when my dear running peeps showed an interest in my control. Oh crap, I thought. Why couldn’t they ask when I was boasting a 5.0 or a 6.5, why oh why are they asking right now, when it’s beyond high? I ripped my machine out of Carol’s sight, only getting a quick glimpse myself at the 16.7 boldly glaring up from it, and threw it into my purse. “They’re high,” I sheepishly said, not wanting to disclose another word. It’s not their fault. They’re just curious. And generally, I’d be all for sharing. But when I pride myself on numbers that range from 5.0 to 6.5, and then show a 16.7, that don’t look so great now does it. Especially when it was my fault.
See, I have a serious fear of my blood sugars going low in the middle of a long run. Sure I bring sugar tablets and sharkies along with me, but I don’t want to hold anyone up while we wait for the ol’ BG to creep back up (and yes she does creep) so I take unorthodox methods to insure it doesn’t happen. If my BG is anywhere from 8.5-13.0, I reduce my basal by 50 per cent and that’s it. But if they’re below 8.5, I’ll generally eat either a full granola bar or half a granola bar without giving a bolus … some days it works beautifully and others, well let’s just say I’d like to bury my head in the sand those days. Sunday was one of those days. Before the run, my BG was 7.5 and I ate that damn Quaker granola bar, which lately has been like a sugar-filled kick to the non-working pancreas! Add to that 2 GU gels and the exercise and my morning bolus and reduced basal rate were no match for the party of fast-acting carbs dancing through my blood stream. 16.7, serves me right 🙁
I’m working on it.
I’ve been reading the exercise chapter in Pumping Insulin every day trying to memorize the words, the tips, the knowledge. For last night’s pilates I ate a couple of cheese slices beforehand to get me through and reduced my basal by 30 per cent for the hour of mild-moderate exercise. I went in with a 5.9 BG and came out with a 6.5 BG. Not bad. And this morning, because I had to work late this evening, I hopped on the trainer right after breakfast, and made a few bolus/basal adjustments as well:
• My blood sugars were a low 3.8 when I first woke up. I drank half a cup of orange juice, no bolus.
• Breakfast carbs: Raisin toast, 42g; Peanut butter, 0g; 1/2c smoothie, 15g; 1/2 banana, 11g. Total carbs = 67g –> But because I was going on the trainer hard for an hour, I subtracted 40 per cent off my total carbs, making the total 40g
• Total bolus: 2.35 units
TODAY’S TRAINER:
- 7 a.m. BG before: 5.0
- Temp. basal: -50 per cent
- Time: 55 minutes
- 8 a.m. BG after: 5.6
Perfection! The only thing I’ve got to do now is have faith in the actions I take – especially on my long run days.
That, my friends, is a happy, post-ride BG face 😀
Sorry to freak you out on Sunday by showing interest. Although I have to say that the number on your machine would have meant nothing to me. I totally don’t understand the whole blood sugar thing and would have asked more questions but you didn’t seem like you wanted to talk about it. One of these days on a long run when I am gasping for air keeping up with you and Blaine I will have you explain the whole blood sugar numbers to me. I don’t guarantee I will retain much though as when I am gasping for air I don’t think much oxygen gets to the brain and besides….your numbers don’t have to be perfect for me to be proud of you and your accomplishments. Keep up the good work.
“We all have our insecurities, right?” But not since Holden Caulfield came barrelling through my consciousness, “lying like a madman,” have I encountered anyone so HONEST about their dishonesty as you – and making me laugh at the same time. I think we ALL lie through our teeth, on a daily goddam basis, and not because of the Big Stuff (murder, thievery etc), but the little stuff, the “insecurities” we feel we gotta hide – NO MATTER WHAT!! 🙂 So, my hat’s off to you, once again, Princess 🙂 You show us how to LAUGH in the face of our insecurity 🙂 The Truth shall make us free!! 🙂
Um so yes. I lied about my bloodsugars for a good 8 years… And then ppl stopped asking. But now I brag when I am being a “good diabetic” and have good numbers or explain I feel like crap cause of a solid 20.7.