Shades of doubt

I think I might have bit off more than I can chew. I know it was just two days ago that I presented you with my wants, and don’t wants, and my all-out lofty goals, but upon further review, I’m now second guessing – all of it. It could have something to do with the fact that I haven’t slept well in two days, that I was up super early yesterday morning and home super late last night, and that this morning somehow my side of the bed turned into the wrong side of the bed. Or maybe, just maybe, that rebellious body of mine is telling me something with all its oddball aches and pains.

I went for a run tonight to clear my head. As mentioned, I was in a mood, which is really no fun for anyone around as I’m not exactly the most communicative when I get in these moods, and I desperately needed to get out of it. So, I pulled out the surefire solution: a solo run. It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to do that, and it did the trick for the most part. As my legs started gliding down the streets, the gargoyles in my mind were finally freed. And it was a decent run, aside from the pitch black darkness, only lit up by the sparkly Christmas lights, and aside from the big red truck that nearly plowed me down as I ran across the crosswalk … thankfully the car that actually stopped for me started blaring its horn at the truck to get its attention! (Note to self: reflectors and a head light are not enough). But about halfway into the run, other thoughts started clouding that new found brain freedom. Thoughts that included ankle issues, slight groin pains, was that a tweak I just felt in my knee?


  • 5 p.m. BG before: 7.9
  • Temp basal: -50 per cent
  • Distance: 6.63 km
  • Average pace: 6:18 min/km
  • Time: 41 minutes
  • 6 p.m. BG after: 3.2 (Yikes!)

I’ve been having issues with my ankles since even before the marathon, I didn’t really think much of it though as I just figured they were tight from all the pounding I was putting them through. And then when I developed that nasty habit of kicking my ankles with every run I went on (so hard, I cause them to bleed … if it were a hockey game, I would get a 5 minute penalty!) I just thought the ankle pain was a result of that. But when I started running again a few weeks ago and I still felt the pain, I figured I should give my trusty physio a call … just to be on the safe side.

Well, turns out, my left ankle was so jammed up, it wouldn’t bend back, not one bit. Crap. My physio yanked the sucker out yesterday morning and holy crap, not only did I squeeze my eyes shut and wince, I let out a high-pitched yelp. Not a nice way to start off the morning. I’ve had my hip yanked out several times over the last couple of years and it’s no picnic, but my gawd, it’s nothing compared to this, this was bloody nasty!

My phsyio told me it was easily fixable, especially with all the ice, manipulating and ultrasounding he did on it yesterday, but the shades of doubt had already been planted. Can I do this? Should I do this? Maybe I should sleep on it…

Icing my ankle after a super long day.

What do you do to kick the butt of self doubt?

There were a couple of happy notes of today though. I discovered I’m a superhero! Really, I am … in the minds of an 11-year-old and 14-year-old 😀 One of the school trustees I regularly work with told me today that his daughters think of me as famous. They walk around the house referring to me as “Princess* – Girl Reporter.” Such a superhero name and wa-ay better than Wonder Woman and She-Ra, just saying! And then later in the day I had a long overdue visit with my four and five year old nephews, one of whom would only be referred to as “Batman” and the other who when I was leaving and went in for a hug,  informed me he was going to kiss me too. And even with that blue gooey cookie smeared all over his face, my heart melted in his arms. How could it not? Mucho hearts!

4 thoughts on “Shades of doubt”

  1. Heya Katie…

    I’ve definitely had my struggles and doubts with my new workout routine. The only rule I’m really following is that if it really hurts, I don’t push through it (lactic acid is fine for me to push through, but real pain I stop). I tried some hack squats tonight and my knees were really painful, so I stopped and did leg extensions instead.

    I’m just trying to be a friend to my body this time round. Marathon running is different I’m sure, there’s definitely more pain and mental struggle… I guess I just hope you’re able to focus on goals that make you feel good about yourself, and treat your injuries with care and time.

    Sometimes you gotta just push through, other times it’s time to stop and ask yourself what you want. Just remember, it’s a body for life, so do your best to treat it right 🙂 Pick your spots to overcome adversity when you feel it’s the right time.

  2. Jewells, I’m tellin ya!! Perfect gems!! That’s what I always find in your blogs. Like the one about kicking your ankles when you run “so hard … if it were a hockey game, I would get a five-minute penalty.” Priceless!!
    About kicking the butt of self-doubt … I don’t. I hate to tell you this, but I just let self-doubt kick the sh..crap out of me. Then I lie there a little while (or maybe a few weeks) gradually find what’s left of my backbone and, when the coast is clear, stand up straight and tall and vainglorious all over again. Gets the icky process over and done with in a hurry. Yes, I am a weanie. Self-doubt rules 🙂

  3. My dear Katie:
    All I’m going to say is that it’s important to listen to your body. A long-term injury we don’t want. On your goals, all I’m going to say is: “We can do this!”

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